As a guy, I’ve come across many ladies in search for the ideal partner in life commonly branded as Mr. Right. This phenomenon was best captured in a Daya’s hit single, hide away. It says that ‘boys seem to like a girl who laugh at anything, the ones who get undressed before the second date. Girls seem to like the boys who don’t appreciate for the money and the time that it takes…’ It underlines the expectations that both parties have before hunting expedition begins. Apparently, there is a lot of truth in Daya’s words but what does it take to get Mr. Right? Ask any chic her type of guy and you’ll get all sorts of fairy tales mostly derived from the soap operas that dominate our screens daily. I wonder if they’ve ever asked themselves what Mr. Right would want from his girl. The answer to this question is the difference between a dream girl and the dreaming girl. It is what separates reality from fantasy.

They all want a taste of great love, the kind of love that Shakespeare analogized with Romeo and Juliet. They all want Romeo but cannot ace the Juliet test. It is a natural instinct for humans to crave for what they don’t have even though this doesn’t mean they can’t have it. What’s in it for me? This is the question that will guide her in the quest to find happiness. Most forget that this is a give and take affair. A reality girl will demand what she deserves and will not settle for anything that is not up to her standards. On the other hand, the fantasy girl demands what she wants in an effort to massage her ego. In life, anyone can give you what you want but very few will give you what you deserve so the dream girl will end up more satisfied (happy) unlike the dreaming girl. How much you give will determine how much you deserve as Socrates would say ‘despise the free lunch.’

But how do you get what you want or deserve? The law of attraction might help, like attracts like. Your performance dictates who shows up in your concert despite the ticket fee. Show me thy friends and I’ll correctly guess your character because you’ll never get anything outside your niche no matter what you want. Not only do great minds think alike but fools hardly differ too. Let’s not focus on those around you anymore but on you. The great Rene Descartes said ‘Cogito ergo sum’ in Latin translated into English as ‘I think, therefore I am.’ You are a product of your thoughts which translate down to your actions, habits, character and behavior. A dream girl will naturally attract Mr. Right as her mind and heart are in the right place. The fantasy girl remains enslaved in a cargo cult mentality that without exertion of any effort on her part, the right man will knock on the door with a surprise proposal. Bitch please!

What happens after spotting the one you’d call Mr. Right? Dressed up to the night at sixes and sevens having dinner, thereafter do you say goodbye or do you drop your pants. Boys might like the ones who get undressed before the second date but will treasure the ones who save their best card for the last play. In your endeavor to find love learn to say NO and mean it. You can’t dish out cookies to everyone on your way. Even Queen B had to tell them, ‘if you like it put a ring on it.’ Hey miss, don’t give everyone a trophy for showing up. At the same time don’t try to play us in our own game. Manhood is a very jealous and possessive institution especially when it comes to our ladies. If I can’t stand my girl smiling at some other dude, what makes you think I will accept to push it in as someone else pulls it out? The dreaming girl is a jack of all trades but a master to none while my dream girl is a jack and a master of only one trade, me. This is the most important aspect of a dream girl, if you disagree with this then you’re the fantasy girl by all standards.

There’s a new crop of fantasy girls with a high affinity to some Methuselah age mates dubbed sponsors. This is a tragedy disguised as a search for financial security. Of all the places to find Mr. Right, why the recycle bin? Maybe the girls in this department can provide more clarity coz I can’t understand or explain this scenario. In African traditions, young girls would be married off to old men as a punishment for grave offences. This was a nightmare to many girls then as it was the worst form of punishment. With that reference, it seems girls are punishing themselves today for poor life choices. The sponsor’s trade their big money (as big as their belly) to the entire dignity of the Barbie wannabe. But they seem to love it though, the irony!

After reading this, I will probably be stoned by the feminist movement. Let it be well understood that am not Njoki Chege’s brother but a very opinionated guy on societal issues. I set to put it clearly that we don’t really get what we want in life because life is not a wish granting factory. In most cases we don’t see that the fault is not in our stars but within us. All of us want the best that this world can offer but are we ready to earn it? For all the dream girls out there defying gravity and standing out, kudos because you deserve all the blessings that life can offer. As for the dreaming girls, here’s a duvet and an extra pillow. Sweet dreams!

The writer is a friend, John Paul, and a great one. They write and support their opinions. Check out more of his amazing stuff at